Often people are faced with critical comments in their direction, as well as they themselves make comments about others. The lion’s share of such remarks is spoken behind the back, and the rest of the value judgments have to be met face to face. All spheres of a person’s life or himself can be devalued, starting from the wrongly chosen shade of the jacket and ending with the person directly criticized. And if the blouse can be changed, then it will be a little more difficult with the features of the figure.
Criticism can manifest itself in the form of joking remarks or harsh devaluation of the human body. People who encounter this for the first time or, on the contrary, constantly, are lost in conjecture, how should one react correctly to discouraging judgments about themselves, especially if they come from close people? In order to answer this question, it is necessary, first of all, to understand the reasons for this behavior.
Types of criticisms
To begin with, you should learn that criticism can be of the following types:
- Constructive. “It seems to me that during this month you gained extra weight, most likely because you stopped eating right.” Such a remark is constructive and will not cause violent reactions if it comes from the husband.
- Constructive in content, but not in form. “It seems that it’s time for you to look at yourself from the outside, you are very much better.” Perhaps the woman really gained a couple of extra pounds, but this does not mean at all that she does not notice such changes in her own body. Therefore, if a friend allows such a statement, she may offend the girl, and she will consider herself unjustly hurt. If a friend reformulates the phrase a little, then the conflict will be settled.
- Constructive in form, but not in content. “You’re too fat. I completely stopped looking after myself! ” Such remarks may contain a grain of reason, but they can cause aggression, silence, or retaliatory insults to the offender. A woman can draw appropriate conclusions, go on a diet, start eating right, go to the gym, but the resentment will still remain. If the situation repeats itself, then it is likely that such a family may break up.
- Unconstructive. “You are fat as a cow! How could you start yourself up like that ?! ” The remarks are offensive and offend human dignity. Moreover, such criticism will cause nothing but a backlash. Remarks of this kind will not benefit anyone and, moreover, will not help remove flaws in a person’s figure. In addition, similar statements can destroy any relationship, regardless of who the remarks come from, from parents or from a beloved friend.
Why is this happening?
Unfortunately, criticism and comments are often non-constructive. In order to understand what to answer people, you must first understand why they do this.
- They assert themselves at the expense of others. There is a category of people who seek to criticize everything around. Although outwardly they want to appear as individuals who know many things, in fact, they have very low self-esteem. In order to somehow stand out and support themselves, they point out the shortcomings of others. It is difficult for such men and women to please in something, because they will always find something to find fault with.
- Envy. People on an unconscious level or consciously understand that something is missing in their life, and they try to devalue this fact at the expense of others, making a veiled remark to you.
- Personal animosity. Relations of this kind arise between people who, due to certain circumstances, must communicate with each other (daughter-in-law and mother-in-law, son-in-law and mother-in-law, colleagues, acquaintances). Since there is a certain background of personal hostility in such relationships, fertile ground is created for critical statements. Reacting is useless because the critic will always find something to cling to.
- Negative exit. Everyone is familiar with the situation when a bad mood leads to the fact that you start to get angry even about a trifle and you can break out on family members by making comments to them. In this case, you just need to let the person “cool down” in order to come to their senses.
- Selfishness. If two friends are on a diet and one begins to lose weight rapidly, then the other may allow unflattering statements in her address in order to extol herself.
- Good intentions. Sometimes relatives or friends tell us hard-hitting things, but they don’t want to offend us. They just do not know how to choose the right words. It is quite possible that if they say the same thing, but in a different form, it will be possible to listen to the statements and see the rational grain in the remark.
Having figured out what motives the critic can be guided by, you can understand how to react correctly, and what needs to be answered.
If hard-hitting words about the features of the figure sound from a person who is insignificant in your life, you can firmly put him in his place by answering in a rude manner. Thus, the problem will not be solved, but he will lose the desire to criticize in the future. If you want to resolve the issue with comments in a civilized way, then you should resort to the following tactics:
- Answer in a calm tone, with which you agree and give arguments of disagreement: “Yes, I know that I have small breasts, but I am satisfied with it, so I am not going to have an operation to increase it.” As soon as the conversation takes on the character of a quarrel, suggest changing the topic of the discussion.
- Be silent in response. If you do not know how and what to answer to the offender, or you cannot control yourself, then it is better to make a silent pause, thereby you can calm down and take a breath.
- Use humor. A phrase like “there should be a lot of good people” will discourage the interlocutor and put him in his place.
- Change the subject. This behavior will show that the comment does not matter to you.
- Postpone the discussion for a specific time. You can directly say “I will think about what I said, but now I cannot give a constructive answer to your statement, let’s return to the discussion later” or refer to “urgent matters.” Such a timeout will allow you to collect your thoughts and understand what is worth answering.
In any case, whichever answer you choose to a critical statement in relation to the figure, first of all, you need to cope with your emotions and look at the situation from the outside. You should also pay attention to the tone of your voice, respond quietly, but confidently and calmly, avoiding raised tones. And if no phrases affect the interlocutor, then just say: “This is your opinion, but mine is different,” and you can end the conversation.